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14 September 2009 @ 09:44 pm
You, Pigface and I (Chapter One of Two)  
Title: You, Pigface and I (Chapter One of Two)
Author: kissthecoffin
Pairings: Yunjae, past YunSu, Yoosu
Warnings: mpreg, humor,a dash of angst, and, by means of association, crack.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: “I can’t believe you called little Yunjae a tumor!” Jaejoong huffed, handing over his shopping bags. Yunho scowled. “Would you quit calling it Yunjae?!”

"Aw, jeez. I need to pee." The mall bustled with people: couples bickering, and families yelling at each other; teenage girls stomping along behind their grim-faced parents; crying babies. Tinny Christmas music poured out of every store, O Little Town of Bethlehem blending into Silent Night, blending into a reggae version of the Little Drummer Boy. Jaejoong looked tired and disgusted.

“Again?” Yunho sighed, looking around for a restroom sign. "Christ, that's the third time this afternoon."

"Yeah, well, the little guy's sitting on my bladder." Jaejoong switched his shopping bags to his left hand, and put his right hand on the small of his back. "It's crowded in there. And my ankles are killing me."

"Okay, okay. Don't tell me. I don't wanna know." Christ, bodies were gross, and Jaejoong's just kept getting grosser. "This way." Yunho ducked into the menswear store they were passing, and asked the thin, straw-haired kid behind the counter where the nearest men's room was.

"You want to go to the south-east end of the mall, sir," said the kid. "Past the food court."

Yunho leaned in and smiled, trying to hide his bad mood. "You've got somewhere closer, though, right? You don't have to trek three miles of crowded hallway just to take a leak."

"That's staff only, sir," said the youth, apologetically. "The public facilities are—"

It was tempting as hell to wave his Tohoshinki status in this kid's face. Could he get away with that? Would their manager find out? Instead he gestured at Jaejoong behind him, who'd gotten distracted by a silk tie display. "Look at him. The guy has a tumor. He's only got three months to live. C'mon, cut him a break."

The kid eyed Jaejoong's swollen belly, and caved. "All right, sir," he said in an undertone, reaching beneath the counter. "So long as you bring the key straight back. But it'll have to be quick. My boss—"

"Yeah, thanks. He'll be quick. Promise." Yunho grabbed the key, got the directions, and then led Jaejoong to the anonymous door in the corner, three stores down.

"I can't believe you called little Yunjae a tumor!" said Jaejoong, handing over his shopping bags.

Yunho scowled. "Would you quit calling it Yunjae?!"

* * *

Yunho'd always thought he wanted kids. Four of them, defiantly wanted a few girl. It nearly killed him when his long-time girlfriend said "Not yet, Yunho" and then "I'm just not ready and finally, "Yunho, I don't have time to be a mom". But the bigger Jaejoong got, the more Yunho thought that he'd liked their life just the way it was. The way it'd been for the last four years: sleeping in on weekends; lazy fucking on the couch in front of bad sitcoms; beer and cigarettes and bars and work, work, work; and driving a car that made him feel young and dangerous, like his Audi R4. Instead Jaejoong had announced that his new wheels would be a freakin' station wagon.

* * *

Sex was torturous and complicated. Jaejoong knelt on the bed on all fours, with his full belly hanging down, almost touching the sheets. He waited while Yunho ran his hand through his hair and fiddled with the lube bottle, and said, "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah." Jaejoong looked over his shoulder, wearing a pained expression that could've been impatience, or maybe indigestion. "C'mon."

Yunho stroked Jaejoong's ass, pulling him open, brushing his hole with the ball of his thumb. Jaejoong moaned. Maybe this would be okay. Maybe this time it wouldn't—
"Wait up," Jaejoong gasped, when Yunho was halfway in, was losing himself in the moment, the heat, sex, instead of worrying about the baby, and all Jaejoong's aches and pains.
"You okay?" He tried to sound concerned.

Jaejoong tilted forward, pulling off Yunho's cock. "I'm not so sure about this." He rolled over, carefully, and sat with his back against the head of the bed. His cock was hard, but he didn't look happy about it.

"Great," said Yunho. "Now what?"

They ended up with Jaejoong in the armchair by the window, and Yunho kneeling in front of him, sucking him off. Yunho kept his eyes shut, and pretended they were back in the days when sex was still sexy, not something that needed to be negotiated with math and a fucking crane.

Later on, while Jaejoong was sleeping, he jerked off in the shower.

* * *

Yoochun wrote to Junsu, and Junsu sent Yunho and Jaejoong flowers and a card with a picture of a family of bear: mama bear, (scowling) papa bear and baby bear. Congratulations, it said. I know you'll both make wonderful parents! With all the love in the world, Yoochun and Junsu.

Yunho stayed up late, examining the handwriting, the words for a hint that Junsu still wanted him. He thought about packing his bags and high-tailing it to Sapporo, and not having to deal with morning sickness, or dietary restrictions, or, Christ, he could see it now, smelly diapers and early morning feeds. Living with Junsu would be easy compared to that. Snow storms and blizzards would be a breeze. He'd broken up with him because he and Junsu kept fighting, kept driving each other crazy and nearly getting themselves killed, though it turns out the only reason Junsu was a grumpy bitch was because of Yunho, 'cause two weeks after they broke up, Junsu hooked up with Yoochun and his bitchiness disappeared completely. Even still, he'd take on a twice as grumpy, twice as bitchy Junsu as long as he didn't have to deal with his vision of fatherhood.

Except then Jaejoong came out of the bedroom and saw him sitting there, holding Junsu's card, and gritted his teeth like someone had punched him in the gut. Yunho felt like shit for even thinking it. Neither of them said a word about it, but Yunho got up and kissed Jaejoong, soft and full of promises, one hand on the kid. At first Jaejoong didn't kiss back, but after a moment, he opened his mouth, and then it was the two of them again. The two of them against the world. Yunho let Jaejoong go, and watched in silence as he made himself hot milk and a peanut butter sandwich.

Before they went to bed, Yunho dumped Junsu's card in the trash, but he could still feel the ghost of its cardboard edges against his fingers when he woke the next morning.

* * *

Yunho couldn't help looking around. The male trainees were getting cuter by the year. Those jailbait kids from SHINee have been giving him signals left and right (“Sumbaenim, would you like a lick of my lollipop?”). Heechul offered him a glazed donut, making Yunho so turned on he had to go to the supply closet and talk himself down. He felt like his brain was fizzing, pulling him in a hundred directions at once, making him crazy.

When he found himself looking speculatively at Lee Soo Man, he knew he had to do something.
"Let's get married," he told Jaejoong that night.

Jaejoong looked up from a program about the mating habits of insects. "What?"

Yunho looked at him, at his face puffy from pregnancy, and his nose that had went from a cute bunny nose to a volcano on his face, and his eyes that were tired and startled, all at once. "Let's get married," he repeated. "You and me. Let's do it."

"Why?" Jaejoong looked more suspicious than pleased. "You already knocked me up, your not going anywhere if I make it out of this pregnancy alive."

Because I need to promise you I'm yours forever, thought Yunho, but he didn't say it. He just scrunched down in his seat. "Forget it."

"Yunho—" Jaejoong sighed and switched off the TV.

"I said forget it," snapped Yunho, jumping to his feet, and heading for the door. "Watch your stupid insects. I'm going to the gym."

"Yunho!" Jaejoong struggled to his feet and followed him into the hall. "What the hell's going on with you?"

Yunho was halfway to the stairs, but he turned back. "I don't know. I don't—know." It hurt even to admit it. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"You don't know," Jaejoong snorted, coming toward him. "What about me? You think I wanted to be a pregnant 25 year old homo? Jeez, it's a fucking miracle Cassiopeia has been able to keep us out of the lime light this long. I expected our faces to be on every newspaper in the world."

Yunho clenched his fists, frustrated. He had to get out of there, get some space, but he couldn't just leave Jaejoong like this. "I can't—" He shook his head, not even knowing what he was trying to say.

"Don't be an ass, Yunho." Jaejoong rubbed circles low on his belly. "We're in this shit together."

But Yunho shook his head again, took a step back without meaning to.

And then it was like a wall came down between them. "You do what you have to," said Jaejoong. He turned and went back into their apartment and shut the door.

Yunho kicked the wall hard, leaving a hole, and left, taking the stairs three at a time so they blurred beneath him.

He sat in the stupid stationwagon for a long time, his head on the wheel, trying to breathe. Trying to make himself want this.

* * *

Jaejoong was hard on the outside, all sarcasm and expensive bitchiness. But inside he was hot and loyal, and kind when Yunho least expected it. He knew about family. It was like the opposite of Junsu, who was only helpful in a way you could count on. Polite and casual. But at the core, he was cool, hard and untouchable without Yoochun.
Jaejoong was touchable. Yunho knew him. Only now Yunho never got to touch him anymore. Now everything was about the kid, everything was about the future. None of it was about Yunho or here or now.

Yunho was pretty sure he wasn't the dad. The other dad. Hell, no one knew how this shit worked—whether there ever was another parent. When they'd found out, after Jaejoong had finished throwing up and freaking the hell out, Yunho'd said, "How?"

And Jaejoong had said, "Chirst, how the hell should I know, Yunho?"

His eyes had been big and scared, and Yunho had pulled him close and said in his ear, "It's okay. It's fucking crazy, and Christ only knows how we're gonna do this, but we are gonna do this. I got you, Jaejoong. I got your back."

Back then it'd been about the two of them: Yunho and Jaejoong. It'd been like Jaejoong had a secret illness, and Yunho was making an extra effort, helping out where he had to. Covering for him when Jaejoong had to excuse himself in the middle of a practice to go puke in the men's room. Making jokes to distract everyone from the fact that Jaejoong wasn't drinking.

But then it'd come out. Jaejoong had told his mom and Changmin, and Jaejoong and Yunho'd both told Yoochun, which had meant an hour and a half of incredulous irritation on Yoochun's part, a call to Junsu and eventually having Lee Soo Man chew them out, the two were embarrassed beyond belief. Soon enough, Cassiopeia and netizen noticed Jaejoong's weight gain. And since then, everything had shifted. Now it was all about Jaejoong and whatever was growing inside him. Now Yunho was just the guy on the sidelines.

* * *

When Yunho got back from the gym, Jaejoong was already in bed, even though it was barely eight-thirty. Yunho drank a glass of water, and undressed in the living room so he wouldn't wake Jaejoong, and then crawled into bed beside him.

Jaejoong was lying on his side with a pillow between his knees, sleeping.

Yunho lay on his back and stared at the dark ceiling, and said goodbye to all the other lives he could've had. The life where he slept with every gay guy from Tokyo to Seoul, blowjobs in alleys and humping in nightclubs and fucking in strangers' beds. The life where he and Junsu got back together, and went dancing every night, and when he would bump into his old girlfriend and talk about kids she'd say, "I'm still not ready for kids, Yunho," Yunho would laugh and said, "That's okay. I don't want 'em anymore." The life where he drove up to the countryside during the winter, in the freezing cold, and told Yoochun, "I changed my mind. I can do this", and Junsu took him into his arms and kissed him, and his hands warmed Yunho's cold body.

Yunho said goodbye to each of them, and felt himself get smaller and calmer, and more focused. Every life he said goodbye to was like a cord of tension relaxing in his shoulders, until there was just this life. This life with him and Jaejoong and the kid.
When he was done, he turned his head, and even though it was too dark to see, he knew Jaejoong was watching him.

"I'm okay," he said, even though Jaejoong hadn't asked. "I'm ready."
"Good," Jaejoong mumbled, putting his arm across Yunho's chest and pulling him close. "Go to sleep."

* * *

Yunho was smoking when Changmin, just arriving in back from Seoul the other night, called. "Yunho! God, Yunho, where are you? It's happening!"

"Shit," said Yunho. "Okay, okay, I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't let him start without me."

He ran around the corner to call a cab. It took fifteen excruciating minutes to show, and then the driver crawled along like Yoochun was driving, observing all the stop signs and going five miles under the limit. "It's an emergency," Yunho told him. "My partner's in the hospital. He could die."

He said it to get the guy to hurry up, but the moment the words were out of his mouth, it struck him that it was true. Jaejoong could die in childbirth.

Yunho scanned though a magazine and showed him the “Biggest Stars in Asia! Tohoshinki!” spread, putting it up to his face, in the magazine at the driver. "Step on it," he yelled.

* * *

When he arrived at the hospital, everyone was clustered in the waiting room. Changmin came over when he saw him, his face pale. "They're giving him a C-segment," he said.

"Duh!" said Yunho. "Is he okay?"
"He's had an epidural." he punched him on the arm. "He was asking for you."

Duh! thought Yunho again, but he didn't have time to say it. He looked around wildly for a nurse, and talked his way into the operating theater, pulling on a mask and hat and smock as he pushed through the door. "I'm here, I made it," he said, and Jaejoong turned to look at him, relief washing across his red sweaty face, bringing a lump to Yunho's throat.
He took Yunho's hand, and held it tight. "I got you," said Yunho, when he could talk again.

"You and the anaesthetic," slurred Jaejoong. "Thank Christ."

* * *

Yunho never wanted to see that much of anyone's guts, ever again. It was the grossest thing he'd ever seen, outside of the morgue.

The doctor got the baby out, covered in slime and blood, and used a sucky tube thing to clear out its nose and mouth. Yunho wiped his wrist across his sweaty forehead, and squeezed Jaejoong's hand. "We're gonna be okay."

"Yeah," said Jaejoong, but he didn't sound sure. Yunho was going to kiss him, despite the doctor and the nurses and the baby and everything, but before he could, the nurse thrust a bundle between them, and Jaejoong let go of Yunho's hand and took the armful of blanket and baby, and stared down at it. Yunho stepped back and sat down on the chair by the door, and watched Jaejoong's face, confused and dopey for a moment, and then tired and proud and soft, until he had to look away.

A/N: Yes, the sex scene scarred me too. XDDDD! LOL. Haven't updated my other stories, so this is kinda like a sorry, even though it's YunJae and my other stories are JaeMin. :P Oh well. New thing, new crowd, new ideas. <3

My first shot at mPreg, whaddaya think?
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Srijoni_Rheasrijoni_rhea on September 15th, 2009 05:36 am (UTC)
there's so much in this i can't even begin to explain. there's the crack of course, but there's so much underlying angst... i can't help but wonder how it all plays out in the end. waiting for part two (:
Jxox_roxygurl on September 15th, 2009 05:48 am (UTC)
i like this D: hehe cant wait for 2nd part ^^
100% Yunnie-fiedyunhogirl23 on September 15th, 2009 05:54 am (UTC)
I feel mixed right now...
I feel so sad that there's so many shit going on around them and their status and all and then there's the whole hosu yoosu thing going on that I barely believed in the Yunjae in between...

But I am happy with the yunjae love child that has been created...

I just hope there's a happy ending to this...I'm so depressed from all the angst I've been reading lately...
hello stranger_happy_as_rain_ on September 15th, 2009 06:22 am (UTC)
I really like this.

This isn't broken, or elsewise "perfect, in love" Yunjae... they have problems, it's frustration, not-love, uncertainty... it's very real. Underneath the humor there's a lot of underlying tension and frustration and I really like how it's depicted--Yunho's in love with someone else first, and Jaejoong's kinda the backup--

I'm really, really excited to read the end.
twiglet71twiglet71 on September 15th, 2009 06:26 am (UTC)
Very good. I thik you summed up a new dad's doubts and fears really well. Looking forward to the next part xxx
Ann: peacepurpleinpink on September 15th, 2009 06:42 am (UTC)
It's angsty but yeah, it's real. Very much loved, and looking forward next part ^^
hi_yuhi_yu on September 15th, 2009 06:43 am (UTC)
even with the underlying angst atmosphere that feels like a ticking bomb, i find myself really liking it. The taste is very masculine, i m glad you make it that way. Because usually if it's mpreg thaen it'll always bordered on gag and overly feminine till it become unrealistic. but this, it's as real as if yunjae'd having a kid :).
waiting for the 2nd part.
hwaiting
★locofruitcake on September 15th, 2009 06:55 am (UTC)
this is awesome!
ahhh. i really wanted to hit yunho for doubting at the crucial moment, it made his love seem so reluctant. ):
still, i guess that's what makes it realistic, cos life ain't a bed of roses, eh?
his fears, insecurity and jealousy seemed so real.
i can't wait for the second part!
~♥Hope to the End. Always Keep the Faith♥~chloe1910 on September 15th, 2009 07:33 am (UTC)
You write well and the underlying angst is perfectly written. I agree with others that what you depicted is rather real and it's not the usual fluffy and rather unrealistic (but humourously written) potrayal of mpreg.

However, I'm kinda sad for Jaejoong for having such a selfish ass of a partner. I know it's all because of a new father's nervousness and doubts but still it sadden me to know that Yunho doubt that the baby is his. Or is the baby really not his? If it's not his but he's still willing to go thru all this with Jae, then it's really great of him. However, if the baby is his, then I am rather disppointed at his selfish thinking.

Then again, it's always the final outcome that is of the utmost importance. He did throw away his doubts, pushed his thoughts way from temptations, and made up his mind to go thru the whole thing together with Jaejoong and he's even in the OT with Jae throghout the whole C-section.♥♥♥

I can't wait to read the next part.

Edited at 2009-09-15 07:35 am (UTC)
saerashisaerashi on September 15th, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
i need part two! good job!
♥ Minnie Oppa ♥: Yunho!Gunsidmaron on September 15th, 2009 08:17 am (UTC)
AW I like this! :3
Preggy!Jae (with Yunho as the father) is WIN. ^^

Glad Yunho can be a human being getting cold feet for once, too. :)

Waiting for Part Two now.
steffiluvlifesteffiluvlife on September 15th, 2009 11:08 am (UTC)
some many emotions underlying the surface of everything.
angst, anger, confusion, love, want, uncertainty, fear, it seems to all be revolving around them at the same time.
somehow it even makes me doubt yunho's love at times, i wonder why.
squiggly_linesquiggly_line on September 15th, 2009 01:27 pm (UTC)
Oh my God. If you do not write the second part ASAP, I am going to chew my fingernails out of anxious trepidation. And that would be just gross.
Damn, Yunho. Step it up. >_<
Very, very lovely writing, though. Perfect mood-establishment. ^_^
scarlet003scarlet003 on September 15th, 2009 02:04 pm (UTC)
sooooooo goooooood!!!

not fluffy and feminine mpreg story..... love it!

hope u update soon.....

fighting! (=^_^=)



joongieforevajoongieforeva on September 15th, 2009 02:27 pm (UTC)
"I can't believe you called little Yunjae a tumor!"

haha this is my favorite line
hope you update soon
xkhanxkhan on September 15th, 2009 06:46 pm (UTC)
aw Yunjae have a child...<3
jae's hidden exterior: yunjae → skinshipjoongified on September 15th, 2009 10:53 pm (UTC)
I like it. Your plot is like be3iuwegduiwsuibasud~!
MIND BLOWING! XD
But I can't believe Yunho partly regretted being with Jae.
*slaps Yunho* Bad Yunho D<
Can't wait for the next part ^^
callmeliyah on September 16th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
This is interesting...The characters are so interesting here. I hope YunHo and Jae are good after everything! Can't wait for the next part :O
shinchul303shinchul303 on September 16th, 2009 11:50 am (UTC)
This is the first good mpreg I've read. It's real, it's masculine, it's complicated...it's LIFE.

Congratulations on something really good. Looking forward to more.
아파 。chunfacebiased on September 16th, 2009 09:51 pm (UTC)
jeeeeeeeeeeeez , i have new outlook on mpreg because of you.
goddamn , this was great.
i'm kinda glad how you used realism so well even if the whole concept of mpreg is completely wacky. you make it believable which is very , very wonderful. & you wrote it really tastefully so thanks :] i enjoyed it a lot! && i saw the second part up so you'll be seeing another comment from me in a few.
yunho1205yunho1205 on August 14th, 2010 05:48 am (UTC)
Oh my gosh! This is soooooo good!! The way you describe Yunho's feelings is so realistic!! I bet All men go through that when they're about to unexpectedly become a dad!! So good! Off to read the next part! :)
believeinredbelieveinred on September 1st, 2013 07:42 am (UTC)
awwwwww. lovely <3
believeinredbelieveinred on December 5th, 2013 12:12 pm (UTC)
i think this is my 3rd time reading this. and finally. i understood the YunSu part XD
crimson_ocean13roham18 on January 16th, 2014 10:11 am (UTC)
I really like this. thanks for writing and sharing :)♥♡